Is there ever a Miss Right? (thinking out loud in the Helderberg)

Is there ever a Miss Right?

I usually have an answer for everything as long as it is not related to Financial Management 300 or my singleness. The latter being the hardest to spin. There’s no justification of being single nowadays. Whatever you say only generates more pity, smugness, concern and speculation. “Poor Boy, no one loves him. If only he had a good girl like me. Maybe he’s a psycho, clingy type that scares girls away with excessive attention. Maybe he’s gay or something.”

Casual chitchat between friends soon becomes the ultimate betrayal and humiliation as soon as that dreaded question comes out: “How come you are single?” within seconds, we are stewing in awkward silence as my mind searches for a reasonable, authentic explanation for my aloneness.

A lot of chicks do come to Cape Town. Yes, my campus has plenty of girls; foreign Nationals, Zulus, Pedi’s, Coloreds, Gold teeth, Dodgy hygiene, 90’s attire and the girls that are worth a second look. The list goes endless. I’ve already been with a few and established that they are not worth my time. I don’t settle for anything less than I reckon I deserve. Unfortunately, this translates into a year without a proper GF.  Actually, come to think of it, I’ve never had a proper GF. My longest relationship was a pathetic ten month rapport, back in high school. And thus I have begun to doubt myself, my strategy and whether Miss Right actually exists. Are my standards too high up in the sky? Am I deluded? Am I full of it? Who am I actually holding up for? Should I be holding out at all?

Hopefully when the “perfect” girl walks into my life I’ll recognize her.  She will have to be a bit shorter than me though. I like the feeling of her being on her tip toes! She must also be a bit dark- I have a thing for a chocolate skin, I don’t mind if she smokes, but I prefer her not to though- yes, I know, a strange fetish. And she must be hot! I’ve tried a few times to put away my superficiality and date the nice girls but it just didn’t work out. As I didn’t like what I was seeing, I couldn’t look her in the eye for too long. I would also like an honest, genuine, carefree, real person who can answer no to all of these five essential  questions. Do you have a BF? Do you have an ex-Bf drama? Do you know of any boys that think they’re your BFs? Do you have a baby father?  Are you married in any way with any dude out there?

She must also meet strict requirements. She must not be an aspiring policeman, a teacher, a hip hop artist, a celeb or footballer, but I don’t mind if she does poetry. She should not be in first year, high school or nappies. She must respect men but not be a walkover, she must be able to speak up if something offends or pisses her off. Too many women can’t express themselves hence they use abuse & gossip as a cry for help. She must be a calming effect on me. I am a bit out there and sometimes need help in order to relax. She must constantly have Beyoncé’s “Irreplaceable” ringing on her head because I have no qualms of kicking her out of my life. So leave your ego at the door.

Not too long ago I dated a chick that would constantly talk about herself and try to compete with me. Self-involvement issues are such a turn-off. Self esteem issues are even worse. Go see a shrink for that. So maybe I’m too demanding. So what? At least I know what I want, but I’m not too sure if I’ll get it.

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Comment by Sakhile on October 27, 2011 at 5:15pm
hahahahaha bra u know what you want, its all about getting to know what she wants now...lets just say she meets your strict requirements but one...what happens then?
Comment by Masiphilile Dlamini on October 26, 2011 at 10:57am
interesting?

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